Just restarted a regimen with kettle bells. I have to say for all my experience around weights and exercise machines, these little cannonballs with a handle can really make you work. After an hour(because I'm easing back into it) I'm feeling muscles I didn't think were possible to use in a typical workout, then I realize- that's just it. This isn't a typical workout. When you train with kb your entire body gets involved. Its something that is only familiar to me through martial arts training. Kettle bells are a pleasant/painful surprise to work with.
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A few days ago my wife commented on how we are transforming the lives of those who train at the school. To drive this point home, today one of the moms informed me that her child will no longer need physical therapy because his karate training has helped him progress to the point where therapy isn't required. To realize that I was part of this process is amazing and humbling.
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Occasionally as I walk through Manhattan certain things or places will resonate with me. This building, The Lucerne on 79th and Amsterdam has been calling to me for some time now. It has amazing architecture and detail no longer seen on buildings. Its very reminiscent of the building that houses the Petrossian, on 58th but not on the same level of detail. The color is a fantastic burnt sienna that is a stark contrast to everything around it on a sunny afternoon.
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As I sit here in the waiting area of family court, I am struck with a feeling of helplessness, anger,and despair. I know these aren't real but rather created by my perceptions of potential loss and damage. While this is a visceral feeling, I know that above it all everything will work out. I know it sounds optimistic of me, but it's who I am.
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I'm currently working on my book and this is my writing cave. Every chance I get I go to the only one in my neighborhood(79th and 37th ave) and get a few pages in. The first book of the series is almost done and another book has been started. With the exception of Domas in manhattan, I haven't found another place like this one to write in. The energy, the people and the interactions actually make it easy to put pen to paper. Or finger to keyboard.
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Its been a little over a week since my mom passed away. As sad as I was by her passing, the week did have joyful moments. I was able to spend time with my family. My sister who I don't see often enough spent a week over and we reflected how many families only seem to come together in death(the passing of a loved one) and we promised to transform that about our family. My brother and I were able to bond, and I sadly recognized that it took my mom passing away to cause that. We reminisced about our mom, told war stories, and had heart to heart talks with the upcoming younger generation( the house was invaded by young folk).

I realized that as the eldest son, I am now the leader of our family cell. It felt odd at times and then perfectly natural at others. I still have moments when I say to myself, " I have to tell mom that." Then it comes rushing back that I won't be hearing her anymore. Those are sad moments. Each day I make a little more peace with her physical absence, knowing that she has left an incredible legacy in each of her children. She may gone, but she will never be forgotten.

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My mom passed away a few hours ago. Within I feel a huge void where my heart used to be. She and I, we had a great relationship. There were times when it was war, she could push buttons no one else could, and there were times that were sheer laughter and joy. As I think back there were many more times of joy and laughter than the battles. I have no regrets, except that she could have been around more so I could harass her about showing me her recipes(which she wrote down for me a week ago), give her more hugs, tell her I loved her more(you can never say it enough), and just remind her that I truly and deeply appreciated everything she did for me, and my siblings. It hurts to think on these things, but I felt putting them out here, sharing this part of me would help. I won't say it makes the ache go away, because it doesn't, I think only time can do that. What I will say is that writing about it, sharing it, brings many of the joyful times to mind, and right now, that's enough.

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4:30 in the afternoon and my two dynamos are down for the count-at the same time! This is unprecedented and hasn't happened since last summer. This is what they look like when they are recharging for fun and mayhem : ).
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This is dojo this morning right before meditation. The space feels full of energy and yet is tranquil. One of my favorite times of the week.
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Friday morning. My alarm in no uncertain terms informs me that class needs to happen soon. The only thing that makes this better is that its no longer 20 degrees and snowing. By this point I'm actually used to it, or so I tell myself. It all boils down to commitment and integrity, my favorite set of checks and balances. When all else fails, C and I step in quietly to remind you of your word. On some mornings it would be welcome if they slept in.
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